We think talking about feelings is a waste of everybody’s time.
On reflection of a recent conversation, I found myself returning to something I often say in my counselling work:
Feelings are not the problem. They are the message.
Yet we live in a society that has taught us the opposite.
We are taught to push feelings away.
To distract ourselves.
To “get on with it.”
To see emotions as inconvenient, irrational, or even weak.
But science and biology tell us something very different.
Feelings are signals from the nervous system.
They are our body’s way of communicating:
- Something doesn’t feel safe
- Something matters here
- Something needs your attention
So the feeling itself is not wrong.
It’s not something to fix.
It’s something to listen to.
Let the Feeling Be Where It Belongs
When a feeling arises, it lives in the body.
Not in your thoughts.
Not in your story.
In your body.
And when you allow it to be there—without trying to analyse it, suppress it, or escape it—something important happens.
It moves.
You might notice:
- a tightening in your chest
- a heaviness in your stomach
- a lump in your throat
If you stay with it, even for a moment, it begins to shift.
Crying may come.
That is not a breakdown.
That is your nervous system regulating.
And when the body has done what it needs to do, the feeling subsides—naturally, and in its own time.
When We Only Treat the Symptom
As you will probably know the GP only offers you the medical model, which often focuses on alleviating symptoms.
Medication can be helpful for many people, and it has its place.
But when it is used instead of understanding the root, it can become like placing an Elastoplast on a festering wound.
The surface looks better.
But underneath, nothing has truly healed.
I invite people to do something different.
To be guided by their feelings.
Because when you listen properly, your system will show you exactly what needs attention.
Self-medicating
You might choose to use substances or food; or take up other habits like gambling, shopping, using porn or hide your feelings in other ways. We can be very creative when we really don’t want to feel our feelings. You will start to feel detached from yourself, your life, your relationships will suffer. Avoiding your feelings is avoiding who you really are and it is forcing you out of alignment. You will feel pressure, which will build and become stress and then anxiety symptoms will arise causing you to be snappy, irritable and people will notice, saying things like “you’re not yourself.”
What happens when we over-react (known as being triggered)
Your subconscious mind, where unprocessed memories are stored, does not recognise time.
A part of your brain—the amygdala—stores emotional memory and scans constantly for threat.
The hippocampus helps organise those memories, but when trauma is involved, the emotional charge can remain as if it is happening now.
So when something in the present reminds your system of the past:
- a person
- a tone of voice
- a situation
…it can trigger a flash of that original experience.
Your body reacts as though the threat is here again.
You may feel:
- overwhelmed
- helpless
- hopeless
And the physical symptoms follow—your heart races, you feel tense and you might shutdown.
It doesn’t feel like a past memory.
It feels like reality.
This is where the counselling work begins
Not by pushing the feeling away.
Not by overriding it.
But by helping your system recognise:
You are safe now.
We work gently with the body, the memory, and the response so that the flashback no longer hijacks your present.
Over time:
- the intensity reduces
- the triggers lose their power
- your body begins to trust again
You feel safer.
More in control.
More yourself.
And something else happens too.
The coping strategies you needed to survive—numbing, avoiding, overthinking—begin to fall away.
Because they are no longer needed.
Living the Life You Actually Want
When you are no longer being pulled back into the past, into previous coping mechanisms that no longer serve you, something opens up.
You can:
- sleep more peacefully
- connect more deeply in relationships
- respond rather than react
- make choices from a grounded place
You are not fighting your system anymore.
You are working with it.
Your feelings are no longer something to fear.
They become your guide.
And from there, you begin to live the life you actually want—not one shaped by old wounds, but one shaped by awareness, safety, and choice.
How counselling will help
Talking really does help. Being heard and acknowledging your feelings is one of the most powerful ways to validate yourself and begin to heal from your past. Together, we will build a therapeutic relationship that feels safe and supportive. Every person is unique, and so each counselling relationship is unique too. The process itself is healing. You can trust yourself in this work—you can’t get this wrong. If you feel ready, you’re welcome to book a session to meet me and share what you would like for yourself and your life. Change is within your reach. We will work at your pace, in a way that feels right for you. Click the button below and book your session today. I look forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon.
Are you ready to talk?
I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.
Book your appointment today
Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.
Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).
