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“I had a good childhood.”
“My mother did the best she could.”
Healing the Inner Child: The Path to Emotional Freedom
You may have been validated by what everyone else does—and that matters. But you also deserve to feel validated. It’s a vital step in healing. Many people resist looking back into their childhood, groaning at the idea of “digging up the past.” But the truth is, every human carries a child within—a child who once felt sad, scared, lonely, angry, or confused. That inner child is a part of you, frozen in time at the moment something became too much to cope with emotionally.
The Birth of the Inner Child and the Ego
When we face overwhelming experiences as children—whether we label them as trauma or not—our minds do something remarkable: they adapt. If a situation felt like a threat to your safety, your brain reacted by storing it as a survival memory. The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for detecting danger, took a snapshot. That image, locked into your hippocampus with heightened emotional intensity, becomes a trigger point that your body remembers long after your conscious mind forgets.
To protect yourself, you created a version of “you” to carry on—this is often called the ego. It’s a survival identity, built to manage pain, avoid discomfort, and navigate the world with a mask of strength or detachment.
But the subconscious mind doesn’t keep time. When you’re triggered today, it feels like it’s happening right now, even if it happened decades ago.
The Forgotten Child
That child version of you—hurt and confused—was left behind, ignored, and often silenced. Not because you’re heartless, but because you were trying to survive. You told yourself you’d never feel that fear, humiliation, or heartbreak again.
But here’s the question:
Would you ignore a real child who just wanted to be seen, heard, and held?
Your Feelings Are Messages
Your emotions are not random or inconvenient. They’re signals—your body’s way of telling you what you need. And if ignored, those emotions don’t disappear. They get stored in your body, causing both emotional and physical symptoms. You might experience:
- Fatigue
- Numbness and tingling
- Muscle pain and cramps
- Digestive issues like IBS
- Headaches, anxiety, depression
- Even long-term illness and disease
Just as blood needs to circulate to prevent blockages, your emotions must be felt to stay healthy.
The Basement Analogy
Think of your life like a house. You spend most of your time on the ground floor—You put your sofa there. You spend most of your time there, scrolling your phone, watching TV, shopping online, drinking, or working endlessly. Meanwhile, your so called negative emotions live in the basement, locked away. These are emotions such as sadness, guilt, shame, jealousy, anxiety or fear. You don’t want to go down there. It’s uncomfortable. But that’s where your inner child is—knocking at the door, asking for just a moment of your time. You’re not going to put your sofa there and settle there. You only need to pop down for a moment to tend to your feeling and then you come back up to the ground floor again and that is sustainable.
Imagine sending that child back downstairs every time they ask for comfort.
Would you really do that to a child who only wants to be loved?
How counselling can help
We will create a safe space together that is confidential, calm and welcoming. We will form a therapeutic relationship with boundaries that you can safely commit to, where you can allow your feelings to be there and welcome them in your sessions. People say they wish they did it sooner, that counselling has changed their life. Read what people say here.
Are you ready to talk?
I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.
Book your appointment today
Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.
Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).