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“Baby girl, we don’t change. We take the gravel and the shell and we make a pearl. We help other people to change so they can see more kinds of beauty.” Pink.
We Are Enough: Reclaiming Beauty, Health, and Power
The Legacy of a System That Was Never Ours
For generations, women have been raised under the weight of a patriarchal system that dictates how we should look, act, and exist. This system—reinforced by media, culture, and even family beliefs—has shaped our ideas of beauty, self-worth, and health in ways that are deeply harmful.
This isn’t about actual health or strength. It’s about control. And the rules are always changing, always impossible to meet.
The Culture of Body Shaming
From early childhood, girls are bombarded with messages: be thinner, be quieter, be less. We’re shown idealised bodies—airbrushed, surgically altered, filtered—and told this is what “beautiful” looks like.
The result? A generation of women who internalise the belief that their value lies in their appearance. Eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating are not personal failures—they are symptoms of a society that rewards women for disappearing.
The thinner we become, the more praise we receive—until we are so depleted that we are physically and emotionally unwell. And somehow, we still believe it’s not enough.
Shame, Entitlement, and Gendered Expectations
Girls are raised to be humble, apologetic, and self-sacrificing. Boys are taught confidence and entitlement. These messages are deeply ingrained—dating back to ancient stories where women were blamed for humanity’s downfall.
Still today, women are shamed for eating too much or too little, for having curves or not enough of them, for being “too much” or not enough. We are blamed for men’s desires, reactions, and behaviours—as if our bodies exist only for others to judge or control.
This shame is exhausting, and it’s generational.
What Real Health Looks Like
It’s time we rewrite the story.
Health is not about shrinking. It’s about strength, nourishment, energy, and wholeness. A healthy body is one that is respected, not punished. It is moved, stretched, and fueled—not starved into submission.
Our bodies are not problems to fix. They are incredible vessels that carry us through life, and when we listen to what they need—rest, movement, nourishment—they respond with vibrancy.
We are meant to thrive, not just survive.
When Food is a Language for Pain
Disordered eating often begins when we feel like we are both too much and not enough at the same time. Too emotional, too sensitive—yet never thin enough, good enough, or lovable enough. Food becomes a way to manage these painful contradictions: to soothe, control, or punish ourselves. Over time, this creates a distorted relationship with our bodies, where we measure our worth by how little we eat or how small we can become. But healing starts when we realise the issue isn’t our bodies—it’s the unspoken pain we’ve carried for too long. Read more about shame from family and victim shaming here.
How counselling can help
We can come together to form a therapeutic relationship, to form a safe space for you to talk confidentiality about how you see yourself, how you might use food or substances to escape from difficult emotions. Help me understand what it’s like to be you in your struggles so you are not alone, feeling sad, lonely, feeling like no one cares. We can move at your pace. You decide and choose how fast or slow we take it.
Are you ready to talk?
I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.
Book your appointment today
Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.
Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).