I come from an Irish Catholic immigrant family and was born to a teenage mother. This is why the recent publicity on social media, shining a light on how Ireland treated teenage girls who became pregnant, resonates so strongly with me and why I was inspired to write this article.

The Weight of Shame and the Silence of Anger

There is an anger in me that does not always know how to find its voice. It rises, but before it can be fully felt, it collides with shame. The two emotions tangle together, leaving me caught in confusion. Over time, I have come to recognise that this is not only my own burden. It is something that has been passed down. It is generational.

Within Irish Catholic culture, women have long been dismissed, their voices diminished, their strength questioned. Teenagers who became pregnant were shamed, cast aside, made to feel as though they had failed their families and their faith. Instead of being lifted up and supported, they were told—both directly and silently—that their worth had been lost.

And yet, this worth was exactly what was needed most. A young mother required confidence and self-belief to walk forward on the difficult road ahead. She needed her family system around her, not to judge but to steady her, not to condemn but to strengthen her.

Here lies the great irony: the very family system that could have nurtured both mother and child was blocked by shame. What was most necessary was denied, in the name of tradition and appearance. This cycle of silence and dismissal became a way of life, woven into the fabric of “normal”.

But this “normal” was never healthy. It was never loving. And it left scars.

The Iron Block of Shame

In my work with Irish women, and from my own Irish family roots, I have come to recognise what feels like a solid iron block of shame running deep in the veins of mothers and daughters. It keeps them tight-lipped, silent for the sake of safety and acceptance, while slowly destroying the soul. This silence prevents healing and often reappears as depression, anxiety, or the heavy grief of lost potential. Because everybody within the culture breathes it in and dreams inside it, there is nowhere to turn for relief—no obvious doorway out. Even today, women are still born into this cult-like existence, a background hum that keeps them in check, shaping lives before they are even aware of it.

Pride and Pain

And yes, there is pride when families speak of Irish descent, as if it is a badge of honour. In many ways it is: the English tried to strip away the language, the land, the freedom, and the famine was not an accident of nature but, as Sinéad O’Connor named it, a fabrication of cruelty. We are not denying that theft of life, rights, and culture. No. That truth must always be remembered.

But alongside this history of resistance and survival, we must also face another truth: it has not been a great thing to be born female in an Irish Catholic family. Patriotism cannot excuse the iron block of shame forced on mothers and daughters. To bring forward this shame is not to dishonour Irish identity—it is to speak the unspeakable so that healing can begin.

Shame Within Ireland

This is to bring forward a shaming done in Ireland, supported and encouraged in Ireland, by the Irish to their own. It was driven by the Irish Catholic priests and by the men who held power—fathers, husbands, brothers, uncles—who took advantage of young Irish girls, left them pregnant, then turned the blame back on them. These girls were shamed for what had been done to them and then banished, treated as though they were low life, used and rubbished, entities of no value.

The children born of this shaming grew up believing that shame was their whole identity, inherited from the very beginning of their lives. And so the cycle continued, passed from mother to daughter, woven into the veins of Irish families as if it were natural.

The Shame of Speaking Out

Even writing these words is heavy with shame. Naming what has been silenced for generations feels dangerous, as if by speaking it aloud I am breaking a rule I was born into. That is the power of this inheritance: it makes you doubt your own right to tell the truth.

For women of Irish Catholic descent, to own this story, to say it openly, is an act of defiance against a system that depended on silence. It is difficult. It stirs fear of rejection, fear of being labelled disloyal, fear of being cast out. And yet, speaking it is also the beginning of freedom.

To write it, to claim it, to bring it forward into the light, is to loosen the grip of shame itself.

An Invitation to Healing

To the women of Ireland, and to those of Irish Catholic descent scattered across the world, I want to say this: you do not have to carry this iron block of shame any longer. It may have been passed to you silently, hidden in glances, in words left unsaid, in expectations heavy with judgement. But it does not belong to you. It never did.

You were born whole. You were born worthy. The shame that clings to generations is not your truth—it is a story written by an Irish Catholic culture that feared women’s voices, women’s power, and women’s freedom. That story can end with you.

Every time you speak, every time you allow yourself to feel what was once forbidden, every time you choose compassion instead of silence, you loosen the grip of that old system. You breathe fresh air into places that have been suffocated for too long.

Healing begins with the courage to say: enough. Enough silence. Enough shame. Enough control. And in saying this, you not only free yourself, you free the daughters, nieces, and granddaughters who come after you.

The road ahead is not easy. But it is yours to walk with strength, self-worth, and the knowledge that you are not alone. Together, we are rewriting what it means to be women of Irish Catholic blood—rooted in resilience, rising in truth, and alive with the freedom to live without shame.

How counselling can help 

I will provide a safe space and together we will create a therapeutic relationship. You will be validated for your experience and your feelings. You do matter. You will see more and more of the person you are and were always meant to be. You will be silenced no more. Enough is enough.

Are you ready to talk?

I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.

Book your appointment today

Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.

Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling.  I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).