Do You Ever Feel Dangerous?
Do you ever feel shamed into believing that those outbursts are who you are?
Do you ever feel that you are bad, or even dangerous, because your anger spills out?
This is what shame does. It tells us our anger makes us wrong. It convinces us we are dangerous, when really, our anger is pointing to something deeper — to years of being dismissed, to wounds that were never healed.
Anger spilling over does not define you. It shows you where the pain lives. It gives you a doorway to explore why you are triggerable, and where the roots of that trigger began.
Many of us were made to be smaller, quieter, and insignificant as a behaviour management tactic. Our mothers did it to us, believing it kept us safe in a world that punished girls for being too visible, too loud, too much. And I admit, I have been guilty of doing the same to my own daughters. Not out of cruelty, but out of fear. Out of the belief that if they shrank themselves first, they might escape harsher punishment from others. But teaching silence for safety only passes the shame forward, keeping the cycle alive.
Anger is not random. It always has roots. When someone denies our truth, dismisses our experience, or twists reality, it can ignite something much bigger than the moment in front of us.
Gaslighting
That is gaslighting. And for many of us, it doesn’t just sting — it rips open old wounds. Our reaction might feel “too much,” even irrational, but it is always relevant. Because anger shows us where we have been silenced before, and it offers us the chance to explore why we are still so easily triggered.
Can I Live With Myself?
I said it out loud:
I am not nice and pleasant.
And then I wondered:
can I even live with myself?
Because “nice and pleasant” was the measure of a good woman.
It was what men wanted.
What families praised.
What religion demanded.
If I am not that,
am I bad?
Am I unworthy?
Am I unlovable?
But here is what I know now:
“Nice and pleasant” is just a mask.
It is the performance of goodness,
not goodness itself.
I am more than nice.
I am fierce.
I am passionate.
I am protective.
I am alive.
So yes, I can live with myself.
Because for the first time,
I am living as myself.
Isolation or addiction
Which do you choose? The good news is that you don’t have to choose either.
Instead you can choose YOU.
How counselling can help
I will create a safe space for you to explore your anger, your shame, and the cycle that keeps you hiding. A cycle that pushes you into isolation — sometimes dressed up as solitude, but often feeling lonely. Together we can look at what that silence did for you, why you were brought up with shaming, and how it shaped you as a child.
You are normal. You are human. You are not bad or dangerous, even if your rage terrifies you.
In our work we will honour your experience, and name the gaslighting you lived through — from parenting, from family shame, from religion. This is not about denying that your parents did their best. It is about finally acknowledging you.
You deserve to be heard. You deserve to live free of this inner conflict, free from self-loathing, addiction, and the pressure to “get over it” as though it were ever normal. It was not normal. And you deserve peace.
Are you ready to talk?
I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.
Book your appointment today
Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.
Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).
