I sat down today to write something for International Women’s Day.
And the first thing I noticed was hesitation.
A strange internal negotiation began almost immediately. How strong should this be? Should I soften it? Should I be careful not to upset anyone? Should I make sure men don’t feel attacked?
It was fascinating to watch.
Here I was, writing an article intended to celebrate and promote women — on a day dedicated to recognising women — and still part of me felt responsible for balancing everyone else’s comfort.
Even now.
That reflex didn’t appear out of nowhere. It reflects something many women have been quietly trained into for generations: managing the emotional equilibrium around them.
Be thoughtful.
Be understanding.
Be fair.
Don’t make too much noise.
Don’t upset the balance.
And perhaps that’s why by mid-afternoon today I realised something else.
It was 2:30pm and I had heard almost nothing about International Women’s Day.
No real conversations.
No meaningful discussion.
Just a quiet passing of the day.
And that silence felt strangely fitting.
Because women have often been expected to contribute enormously to society while simultaneously keeping their voices measured, calm and unobtrusive.
Strong — but not too strong.
Visible — but not too visible.
Capable — but not confrontational.
It’s a careful balance many women have learned to maintain.
But that balance can come at a cost.
Patterns that grow out of this conditioning
Not anti-men, no, it’s simply this:
Women have been carrying more emotional responsibility than they realise, and many are only just beginning to see it.
That realisation can change everything.
Many women grow up learning to carry responsibility early.
Helping more.
Managing emotions.
Keeping things running.
Over time, that role becomes normal.
You may recognise some of these questions:
Do you feel responsible for everyone else’s emotional wellbeing?
Do you work harder in the relationship than the other person?
Do you stay longer than you know you should?
Do you notice red flags but talk yourself out of trusting your instincts?
Do you hear phrases like “I’m only joking” or “you’re over-reacting” until you start doubting yourself?
Do you feel lonely even though you’re in a relationship?
From the outside everything may look fine.
But inside something feels quietly out of balance.
Many intelligent, compassionate women fall into a trap that sounds like kindness.
It goes like this:
“If I can see why they behave this way, I should be patient.”
You understand their stress.
You understand their past.
You understand their wounds.
And because you understand them… you stay.
You explain behaviour away.
You carry more responsibility.
You give more time, more energy, more emotional labour.
Until something slowly grows inside you.
Resentment.
Not because you’re unkind.
But because responsibility has quietly become one-sided.
Understanding someone’s behaviour does not mean sacrificing your wellbeing.
Compassion should never require you to disappear.
And patience should not mean tolerating situations that slowly drain you.
How counselling can help
Together we can explore the responsibility you carried in your early years — whether it was placed on you or quietly internalised. We look at how those patterns show up in your relationships, work and home life today, and begin separating what is truly yours from what belongs to others. The result is often a profound sense of calm and relief as life becomes lighter and more balanced.
Are you ready to talk?
I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.
Book your appointment today
Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.
Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).
