(5 minutes reading time)
This article was inspired by Ricky Gervais.
He said:
“I will never stop making my voice heard, because they can’t.”
Gervais was talking about animals.
And it struck me—
This is true of our children too.
So many of them couldn’t speak, weren’t allowed to speak, or were indirectly shamed when they did.
It’s time to treat our children with respect, dignity, and love.
It’s time to protect them, children in our own families, children in our neighbourhood, children our children know, chlidren in our schools and work places, those in looked-after care.
SAFEGUARDING CHILDREN IS EVERYONE’S RESPONSIBILITY
And if you see something that doesn’t sit right—say something.
The Silenced Child Still Lives Inside Many of Us
There is a child inside many adult survivors of child sexual abuse.
A child who was silenced, shamed, and betrayed.
Not always through words—
But through silence.
Through the whispered message:
“This pain is inconvenient, embarrassing, awkward, nothing to do with me. Keep it to yourself.”
Many of us were raised in families that wanted things to look okay on the outside.
So when abuse was disclosed, the focus wasn’t on protecting the child—
It was on protecting the family, which protected the abuser.
The Silence That Protects the Perpetrator
Too often, families respond to abuse with denial, dismissal, or subtle avoidance.
“You have to forgive.” (Religion tells us to forgive everyone)
“It’s in the past.”
“Don’t bring that up, it’s not what you talk about.”
They invite the abuser to weddings and parties.
They laugh with him, accept him.
They sit beside him at events.
And the survivor?
She stays away, or shows up on one condition—
Stay silent.
Let me be clear:
That silence is not kindness. It is complicity.
It’s another form of abuse.
What Abuse Really Does
Child sexual abuse doesn’t just hurt in the moment.
It shapes a person’s life.
It steals their joy.
It rewrites their sense of self.
It replaces trust with fear, and love with shame.
The long-term impacts are real:
Depression. Anxiety. Self-harm. Addictions. Suicidal thoughts.
But these symptoms are not evidence of a weak person—
They are the scars of someone who was deeply wounded
and never given the space to heal.
It Is Never the Child’s Fault
Let’s be absolutely clear:
A child is never, ever responsible for their own abuse.
Not if they wore makeup.
Not if they had a crush.
Not if they didn’t say no.
Not if they stayed quiet.
Not if they went to his house or let him into theirs.
Not if they smiled.
None of that matters.
A child seeks love, guidance, attention.
That’s not a reason to blame—that’s survival.
The adult is the one with the power, choice and position to take advantage..
The adult is the one with the choice, choosing to be sexual with a child.
The adult is the one who must be held accountable EVERY TIME.
Grooming Is Calculated
Abuse doesn’t start with the act.
It starts with grooming.
The abuser builds trust.
They find a vulnerable child.
They give attention, affection, “special treatment.”
They confuse the child into thinking it’s love.
That they’re lucky. That this is normal.
What did your abuser say to keep you silent?
They add something to silence you. Your mother will be angry. Your mother will die. You drank the alcohol. You know you shouldn’t have. It was all your fault is the insinuation.
But it’s not.
It’s strategic.
It’s premeditated.
It’s a method of control.
And when we don’t talk about grooming,
we give it room to keep happening.
The System Is Still Failing Survivors
Our justice system today is no better than it was in the 80s.
Our courts don’t protect survivors.
They interrogate them.
They doubt them.
They retraumatise them.
Survivors must fight not only to be believed,
but to prove they are innocent.
While perpetrators hide behind family concerns for reputation, not truth.
That must change.
What society says to victim blame
Kids today are different. Kids are more advanced. She was sexually active. She had a boyfriend. She wore those short skirts and low-cut blouses. She was asking for it. She flirted with him. She was 14, she knew about sex. She was old enough to know what she was doing.
THIS IS INCORRECT, VICTIM-BLAMING LANGUAGE.
YOU MUST CALL IT OUT AND YOU MUST SPEAK OUT.
CHILDREN CAN NEVER BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN ABUSE.
NEVER EVER.
Silence Is Dangerous—It’s Time to Break It
We must shift the culture.
We must talk about child sexual abuse as loudly and often as we talk about any other injustice.
This is not a personal issue—it’s a public crisis.
And the responsibility to speak out doesn’t rest only on survivors.
It belongs to all of us.
If you are a parent, a sibling, a neighbour, a friend—
you have a role to play in protecting children.
What You Can Do Right Now
✅ Believe survivors. Tell the child it is not their fault.
✅ Take action. Stop accepting the abuser. Let them know you do not want them around.
✅ Stop protecting abusers. Kids safety comes before family reputation.
✅ Speak up. Talk and encourage discussion.
✅ Educate yourself about grooming, consent, and power.
✅ Reject silence. DO NOT put shame on the child or the family, just on the perpetrator.
✅ Make room for difficult truths. Accept you did not take action and be honest.
To the Survivors: You Were Never the Problem
If you are that child, still silenced in adulthood—
I see you.
I believe you.
I honour your pain.
And I want you to know:
Your voice matters.
You have every right to speak.
You owe no one your silence.
You are not broken—you were betrayed.
The shame is not yours. It never was.
And to the Families: Speak Now—Or Be Part of the Harm
If you love a survivor, stop asking them to stay quiet PLEASE.
Because you twist the knife of betrayal further into their heart.
Stop defending abusers because of family reputation and shame. You have no right to silence someone to protect you from feeling shame. It is a selfish, unkind, cruel thing to do. Stop protecting reputations over children. It’s neglectful.
Silence doesn’t keep the peace. It protects predators.
Let’s build a world where children are heard.
Where survivors are honoured.
Where abuse has no place to hide.
And like Ricky Gervais said of animals—
“I will never stop making my voice heard, because they can’t.”
Let’s do the same for our children.
Let’s raise our voices
Until we stop accepting child sexual abuse.
How counselling will help
I will create a safe space for you to be listened to, to be fully heard and understood and together we will form a therapeutic relationship. You will learn how to unlock the trap, the mental prison of the past that keeps you stuck in torment, mental torture, bound by a secret that you keep, that keeps you in a cycle of self-harm that you believe you must deserve, must be bad and can never ever be happy because of what someone did to you or made you do with their grooming, their manipulation and their abuse of the powerful position they were in and held over you as a child or vulnerable young adult. It was not your fault and I am hear waiting to meet you and work with you. You have nothing to fear because this is a confidential service and you can finally unburden yourself.
Are you ready to talk?
I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.
Book your appointment today
Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.
Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).