“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
― Carl Gustav Jung
All Feelings Are for Survival – Even the Ones We’re Ashamed Of
We live in a world that often tells us to “be positive,” “stay strong,” and “stop overthinking.” It’s no surprise, then, that many people feel ashamed of their feelings—especially the ones seen as “negative” like anxiety, anger, sadness, jealousy, or even shame itself.
But here’s the truth: every emotion you have exists for a reason. Not one of them is useless or broken. In fact, they’re all part of your in-built survival system—your emotional toolkit for navigating a complex and sometimes dangerous world.
🔥 Anxiety: The Overprotective Bodyguard
Anxiety isn’t a flaw. It’s a highly tuned alarm system that evolved to detect and respond to threat. When your brain senses potential danger (even if it’s emotional, not physical), it tells your body to prepare: heart rate rises, breathing quickens, muscles tense. You become alert and ready to act.
That same system helped our ancestors survive predators, famine, and conflict. Today, the “predators” might be public speaking, rejection, deadlines, or emotional uncertainty—but your nervous system doesn’t know the difference. It’s still trying to keep you safe.
Yes, it can become overactive. It can misfire. But its intention is protection, not punishment.
💧 Sadness, Anger, Jealousy: The Emotional Messengers
- Sadness says: You’ve lost something important. Slow down, grieve, let others help.
- Anger says: A boundary’s been crossed. You have a right to stand up for yourself.
- Jealousy says: You’re afraid of losing connection or value. Pay attention to what you need.
These feelings aren’t wrong. They’re information. They’re calls to action. And if we ignore or shame ourselves for having them, they tend to leak out anyway—through anxiety, burnout, people-pleasing, or emotional numbness.
😔 The Hidden Weight of Shame
Shame is often the emotion behind the emotion.
You don’t just feel anxious—you feel ashamed for being anxious.
You don’t just feel angry—you feel ashamed for not being more “calm and nice.”
You don’t just feel sad—you feel ashamed for being “too sensitive.”
Shame tells you you’re wrong for feeling. It makes you doubt your instincts. And it disconnects you from others, when in fact, your feelings are a very human response to living in a world that doesn’t always feel safe.
But here’s what I want you to know: There is no shame in having emotions.
There is no shame in being wired to survive.
There is no shame in being human.
Shame itself is required for survival
Shame is often misunderstood as a purely negative emotion, but it actually has a powerful survival function. At its core, shame is a social emotion—it alerts us to the risk of being cast out or disconnected from the group, which in earlier human history could have meant death. It motivates us to reflect on our behaviour, repair relationships, and stay aligned with the values and expectations of our community. In this way, shame helps us maintain belonging, safety, and connection. While chronic or toxic shame can be deeply harmful, the feeling itself exists to keep us in relationship with others, which has always been essential for survival.
💡 What If We Trusted Our Feelings Instead?
Instead of silencing or fighting our emotions, what if we got curious?
- What is this feeling trying to protect me from?
- What does it want me to know?
- What would happen if I treated it like a messenger, not a threat?
You are not “too much.” You are not weak. You are not broken.
You are alive, and your emotional system—though sometimes intense—is doing what it was designed to do: keep you safe, connected, and whole.
🌱 The Work of Healing
Therapy isn’t about getting rid of your feelings. It’s about learning to listen to them without fear or shame. To reconnect with your emotional instincts and build safety from the inside out.
That’s where peace lives—not in avoiding feelings, but in understanding them.
So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, angry, or sad… know this:
Your feelings are not the enemy.
They are your survival team. And they’re speaking to you for a reason.
How counselling can help
Together we will form a therapeutic relationship, a safe space for you to explore how you feel. Even if you can’t find the words, you will learn to allow your feelings to surface in your body and you will become more and more authentically you. You will feel better and your relationships will thrive, all from allowing and welcoming your feelings (often for the first time in your life).
Are you ready to talk?
I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.
Book your appointment today
Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.
Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).