(3 minutes reading time)
What if the parts of you that feel hardest to face—your anger, shame, anxiety, or grief—are actually keys to your healing?
In Jungian psychology, “the shadow” refers to the hidden parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to reject. These are the feelings and traits we learned were wrong, shameful, or too much. But here’s the truth: healing doesn’t come from denying them—it comes from feeling them.
Where the Shadow Comes From
From an early age, we learn what’s acceptable and what’s not. Often without knowing it, we bury parts of ourselves to fit in and feel safe.
- Family dynamics: “Don’t cry.” “Don’t get angry.” Emotions became dangerous.
- Cultural or religious beliefs: Anger, jealousy, and sadness were seen as sinful.
- Societal norms: “Be a good girl.” “Man up.” We perform, smile, suppress.
We internalise this message:
“If I feel this, I’m bad. If I show this, I’ll be rejected. So I won’t feel it at all.”
That survival instinct is powerful—but long-term, it creates deep inner conflict.
The Cost of Hiding
You might laugh when you want to cry. You might please others while feeling miserable inside. This internal split can lead to:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Burnout
- Feeling fake, lost, or like you don’t belong
But these aren’t the problem. They’re signs you’ve disconnected from your real self.
Why Feelings Matter
Your feelings aren’t flaws—they’re messengers. They tell you what you need.
- Anxiety = “I don’t feel safe”
- Shame = “I think I shouldn’t feel this”
- Sadness = “Something matters to me”
Suppressing feelings may help you survive short-term, but healing means feeling. You’re allowed to feel. It’s how you come home to yourself.
A feeling can’t kill you. It will pass. And you’ll feel lighter after it does.
The Shift: From Repression to Integration
When we bring the shadow into the light, we start to heal.
This is the work I do with clients every day—person-centred counselling grounded in empathy, authenticity, and unconditional positive regard.
Together, we explore your emotional world so you can:
- Accept the parts you’ve hidden
- Stop living for others’ approval
- Reconnect to your needs, boundaries, and truth
- Start feeling whole again
You don’t have to hide anymore.
The Courage to Be You
At first, being your authentic self might feel scary. You might worry about losing relationships or rocking the boat.
But the real risk? Staying disconnected from who you really are.
Because that’s where depression, anxiety, and burnout grow.
Your healing helps the world heal too. As society evolves, it needs more people who are real. You doing this work isn’t selfish—it’s revolutionary.
Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom
This is how we transform:
- Acknowledge the pain, instead of denying it.
- Feel your feelings, instead of numbing them.
- Own your story, instead of hiding it.
Your wounds don’t define you. But they can guide you.
You are not broken—you’re becoming.
How counselling can help
The feelings we least want to feel, the reasons we turn to self-harm, addictions to cope, food to feel better (when really it is to not feel) or to refuse ourselves food as a punishment for believing the feelings of shame, anger, resentment or fear make us bad. We will form a therapeutic relationship where you will have a safe space to talk about your feelings. You deserve to have the full range of your feelings. When you were younger, you decided you were a bad person but the feeling was too much and it scared you. You internalised that as I am bad. Let us explore that together.
Are you ready to talk?
I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.
Book your appointment today
Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.
Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).