“I had a good childhood.”
“My mother did the best she could.”
I’m sure she did. And in addition, you can also be validated. This is very common and it is a block to healing. Going into childhood and feelings, I hear you groan. Every single human has a child within. The child within feels sad, lost, lonely, angry, scared. The child is you, halted in time, in the process that is your life. There was an event in your life that you were unable to cope with emotionally. You created a version of you to cope (and that could be called ego), an ego state you created to experience the feelings you had to feel at that time. Time has no relevance to the subconscious mind where the memory of that event is stored.
When triggered, you feel it like it is happening now.
Whether you call the experience a trauma or not is not important. You had a response to it that appeared to be a threat to your existence in one way or another and your amygdala took a snapshot of the experience and stored that in your hippocampus, anchored there forever by an enhanced emotion you felt at the time. You may have (and most likely would have) repressed that memory by dissociating from it. You never wanted to be reminded of that feeling as it appeared to be a threat to your existence.
The child is real. The child has been ignored. He or she suffers.
The work we will do in counselling is to allow your inner child to be heard, to get the attention they deserve finally. You may have ignored that part of you for decades. You hoped you would never have to feel that threat, that discomfort, that pain, that fear, that humiliation ever again.
Would you ignore a child that is only looking to be seen, heard and attended to?
When you heal your inner child, you liberate yourself. You are able to stop addictive behaviours, mend relationships and love your inner child. That was a child, neglected and / or abused. They need your love now. You deserve to be seen, heard, loved and to have the attention any child deserves and needs for survival.
Your feelings tell you what you need. Your emotions are stored in your body.
To avoid problems from circulation around the body such as numbness and tingling, swelling, muscle cramps and pain, fatigue, digestive issues, chest pain and other issues, you have to keep moving. Similarly, your emotions have to be felt as they come up or you get blockages that fester from depression and anxiety to physical manifestations such as headaches, IBS and other physical problems, sickness and disease.
Think of an analogy of a house, where you live on the ground floor, doing your living as you do on a daily basis such as watching TV, scrolling through social media feeds, internet shopping, eating, drinking, taking drugs or alcohol and other behaviours. Your emotions that you don’t want to feel dwell in the basement. You can never let them come up so you ensure every moment of your time is filled up and you are always busy on the ground floor.
Would you keep a child down there, sending him/her back to continue with your habits if he/she asked you for a moment of your time?
This is where counselling will help you.
Attend to your child within. You deserve it. I am waiting for your contact. I look forward to meeting you and working with you soon.
Best wishes,
Karen
Disclaimer: I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling and have no scientific training whatsoever. I am a person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world.