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Let Your Child Feel Jealousy—It’s Healthy
I was inspired to write this after seeing a post from an influencer that said:
“I’m raising my girl to never be jealous of other girls.”
At first, that might sound empowering—but it’s actually a setup for emotional suppression.
Why Suppressing Emotions is Harmful
When a child is told “never be jealous,” they learn to deny a very normal, human emotion. They create a version of themselves (an ego) that seems strong and unaffected, but inside, they’re pushing away real feelings just to meet the expectations of their parent.
The message becomes: My feelings are bad. I am bad.
This child grows up trying to be “good enough” all the time, often becoming:
- A chronic people-pleaser
- Emotionally burned out
- Disconnected from their true self
- At risk of being taken advantage of in relationships
They may even attract narcissistic partners, believing they should always be polite, pleasant, and ignore red flags.
What Happens When Jealousy is Repressed
I work with many adults who were taught to avoid jealousy. They struggle with feelings of unworthiness, imposter syndrome, and shame. They believe negative emotions make them “bad,” so they disconnect from their true selves.
But jealousy isn’t bad—it’s a signal. It tells us we have a need that’s not being met. Instead of shaming a child for feeling jealous, ask:
What do they need right now? What are they missing?
Emotions Are Messages From the Body
All emotions serve a purpose. They are part of your nervous system and vital for survival. When children are shamed for feeling something, they internalize that emotion as a flaw, rather than a guide.
This is what Carl Jung called the “Shadow”—the hidden part of us made from the feelings we were told to reject.
Anxiety: The Root of It All
At our core, all humans are born with two things:
- A fear we might die
- A desire to survive
The combination of these creates anxiety. Anxiety isn’t random—it’s your body’s response to perceived danger. If a child feels neglected, or a sibling receives more attention, their brain may interpret it as a threat to survival.
Your amygdala stores these experiences and triggers that fear again and again—even decades later.
We’ve Been Taught Wrong
Society has told us for too long that emotions are a weakness. But emotional awareness actually makes us stronger, more resilient, and more connected.
When you learn to embrace your feelings, you break the cycle—and you model a healthier way to live for your children.
How counselling will help
We will form a safe space, a therapeutic relationship that will empower you to explore uncomfortable events from earlier years. You will feel validated and less heavy, able to live your life more freely and realise that internalised beliefs about yourself from earlier years were simply not true, but believing it seemed to help you feel like you had some control. It’s exhausting trying to keep that up as it’s all about survival.
Are you ready to talk?
I offer a low-cost confidential service. I offer space to speak, find your voice, be really heard and validated. I am a trained professional counsellor who specialises in anxiety and trauma. Make an appointment to meet me and tell me what you want from counselling. See if you feel comfortable. The first session is over Zoom for both of our safety and then you can do sessions over Zoom from your own home or in person in mine, in my safe, comfortable therapy room.
Book your appointment today
Click here and book a free initial consultation with me today. Read what people are saying about working with me in counselling here. I hold a private, confidential space for you. I’m looking forward to meeting you and hearing you very soon. Best wishes, Karen.
Disclaimer: I am a UK qualified person centred counsellor specialising in anxiety and trauma within the context of counselling. I write from my experiences and from my client work in counselling. My work is dependent on the therapeutic relationship and the meeting of two minds. It is a humbling experience and that is all part of the healing process that I witness every day. It is the best job in the world. This is not an emergency service. If you need to speak to someone urgently outside of my sessions, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (24/7 confidential helpline in the UK).